I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
