new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
