Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
