that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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