you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
