It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
