Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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