My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
