i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am naked and annoyed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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