Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
