he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
