I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
