apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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