a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
