If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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