So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
