Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
