He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
