i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
