So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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