Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love