Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
