Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Randomize
Follow @tfln