my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.