good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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