shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.