I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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