Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
