so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
