i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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