just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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