My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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