he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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