xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
