I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
