and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
