it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
