Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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