Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
