i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
