I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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