Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize