i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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