Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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