woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
