Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
