We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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