Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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