I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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