Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
where am i from again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
