a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
