We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
