Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
