Define "chronic" masturbator.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
