I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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