dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
