I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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