We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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