I can tuck mytits in my pants
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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