Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
