if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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