There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
