Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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