Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
