So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.