come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober