apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.