just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".