she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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