do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?