Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$