I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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