Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize