Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
